Suzy Favor Hamilton watched the 2008 Summer Olympics from under the covers of her bed in her Nakoma home, a bag of Cheetos at her side.

Several years ago, the three-time Olympic runner was telling people that she might come back after having a baby to be on the track in Beijing this year.

She said it. But she didn't mean it.

"I was so glad I wasn't there," Favor Hamilton says. "Every day, at least once a day during the Olympics, I'd get people asking me about that. And I know from their reaction that they were disappointed when I said that I was glad I wasn't there. But I think if you know my story, you understand it was time to move on in life."

Moving on for Favor Hamilton, at age 40, has meant exploring passions beyond running, such as artwork, gardening, public speaking and, recently, even a new sport -- speed skating.

But moving forward was not possible until she made a confession.

"I think a lot of people have no idea about my story," she says, pauses and corrects herself. "Well, nobody knows, because there is part of my story that I haven't admitted until recently -- what really happened in my 2000 experience in the Olympics."

The fall

Leading up to the 2000 Olympics in Sydney, Australia, Favor Hamilton posted the fastest women's 1500-meter time in the world that year. The New York Times said she was running "with a new assertiveness and an appetite for distance training," and called her a "favorite for a gold medal."

Then in the home stretch of her 1,500-meter Olympic race, she mysteriously collapsed on the track, struggled to cross the finish line and place last before collapsing again.

There have been different speculations and explanations for why Favor Hamilton fell. The public list has included injuries, dehydration and a panic attack.

All of those were true to some extent, she confirms.

The whisper was that she fell intentionally after dropping from first place as she neared the end.

Favor Hamilton is now ready to talk about that.

"With 200 yards to go, I hit empty on my gas tank," she begins. "At that point I started to have a panic attack. In my mind, I knew winning was the option, only winning could be a success."

With the finish line in sight, another runner passed her and she thought, "OK, silver." Then two more women passed and with them her chance at a medal.

"In fourth place I decided fourth was not good enough and I somehow needed to vanish," she says. "But how do you vanish when the whole world is watching?"

She recalls the flurry of thoughts that followed. "I thought of my best friend who was dying of cancer and was watching the race. I thought of my family, and my brother had passed away a year before, and thought if I could win they would be happy. I was thinking about my husband and my coach. And people had told me, If you can win the gold just think about the impact that would have on the sport.' "

Then comes what she calls the toughest admission of her life: "I was thinking about everyone, how happy they would be. And at that moment I had let them all down, so falling was the option. And I fell."